Lawyers and Stress: An Anti-Quick Fix View
There is no quick way to avoid stress. But here are some ideas to
stimulate real change in your life.
By Gregory J. Van Rybroek
Lawyers routinely seek ways to improve how they practice law and
enhance their careers. The committee overseeing the Bar's Wisconsin
Lawyers Assistance Program (WisLAP) undertakes this column to
address issues that affect lawyers as people. Future columns, to be
written by Gregory J. Van Rybroek and Dennis W. Kozich, may focus on
lawyers and stress, procrastination, anxiety and depression. (See
Kozich Sidebar)
The Wisconsin Lawyers Assistance Program's primary purpose is to
provide confidential counseling service on WisLAP's two toll-free
helplines. WisLAP operates the Substance Abuse Helpline at (800)
254-9154 and the Stress Helpline at (800) 543-2625.
When it comes to solving stress, there is no drive-up window for
quick-fix answers. There is no elixir to eliminate stress. In fact, we
should stop searching for a magic snake oil and realize that if anything
quick actually worked, stress already would follow smallpox in the
history books.
What is stress? Stress is a mental and/or physical reaction
to life pressures. Symptoms of stress can become so severe that our
behaviors become maladaptive or dysfunctional. We might experience
anxiety, depression, anger, irritability, sexual dysfunction,
sleeplessness, overuse of alcohol or drugs and difficulty concentrating.
We all have experienced the unpleasant internal and external unravelings
that happen when our daily lives start to overload. If our stress
symptoms become regular occurrences, generally we become unhappy and
difficult to be around. Often, it is difficult to reduce stress, and
there is a natural human tendency to look for an easy way out.
It may not be particularly helpful to read stress-reduction
solutions, like "build in time to relax" or "exercise regularly." Pithy
recommendations may give off a certain exuberance, but they lack the
substance to create behavior change - because sound-byte truisms cannot
cut to the bone of what drives and exacerbates stress.
Instead of hunting for simple answers, try approaching stress from a
deeper perspective. The anti-quick fix view offers challenging decisions
that can lead to true stress reduction and a happier life.
Anti-quick fix considerations about stress
Simple solutions. Give up on simple solutions; they
do not solve complex problems. Solutions, if they are to be had at all,
are somewhere inside each person. There is a strong tendency to look
outside oneself for solutions, but brutal honesty says the opposite is
more effective - an inside look offers more possibilities for solutions
to complex issues.
Choices. We all make choices about the directions in
our lives, and there are many reasons to choose one direction over
another. But if the outcome seems to be negative despite the best
intention, it may be time to examine the reason for the choice. We have
some control over our choices in life, but often not as much as we would
like. When choices are made, losses on one level may produce more
important gains on another. For instance, if making money is your
choice, then be honest about it and accept what money brings and what
making it takes away.
Explore other ways of achieving deep satisfaction in life. Clinical
research shows that people become happier when they feel in control,
develop positive self-esteem, have realistic goals and expectations,
have fit and healthy bodies and have supportive friends. However, the
easy part about good choices is deciding to make them. The hard part is
figuring out what has to change to actualize those choices.
Suffering. Making serious choices often is
accompanied by an internal struggle that involves some degree of
personal suffering and pain. While we tend to avoid suffering if we can,
the painful suffering process can help bring clarity of direction to our
lives. Psychological suffering often is the result of an unwillingness
to change something in our lives.
A common scenario for change is that an external stressor is
demanding change; we are not personally choosing change. When we behave
as if there are no problems, the problems do not evaporate. Rather they
tend to fester, and we suffer more later as a result of the crisis that
festering created.
For example, we all have been in situations where we know we should
say something about how we really feel, but we avoid it because it is
awkward or seems silly and so on, and act as though things are fine.
These situations usually break apart and we have to deal with the
fallout anyway. We discover that we might as well have spoken up in the
first place.
Change. We do not like to change - it is too hard.
Usually we do whatever it takes to maintain the status quo. When change
is forced, such as a result of an accident, an unexpected illness or a
spouse wanting a divorce, then we have to deal with it. While we cannot
foresee random problems forcing change, there are many areas in our
lives where, if we look closely, we can see problems developing. Usually
we know at some level when things are not going well, but we are
choosing not to go through the suffering it takes to change the
situation. The question becomes one of deciding to choose the pain of
change or the painful consequences of maintaining the status quo.
Self-examination. Consider psychotherapy. Entering
into serious psychotherapy takes intense personal courage. If
psychotherapy is productive, it means entering into a confidential
relationship with someone to touch the bone of your issues in order to
resolve them. The psychotherapy relationship is deeply personal and
distinctly different than other relationships. It means pressing into
the idea of change and choice in one's life, and while it could be
painful and unattractive, it has a productive purpose.
Unlike the legal arena, effective psychotherapy does not operate
using the Rules of Evidence as a means of leveling the playing field.
Rather, the Rules of Life come into play, and they can be much more
difficult to master.
Conclusion
The way to really get at stress and its multitude of variants is to
admit that life is full of problems and always will be, and that people
are capable of change, but they have to have the courage to make very
difficult choices. Such choices usually involve personal pain and
suffering, and one place to seriously reflect on choices and change is
in the process called psychotherapy.
At first concepts like choice, suffering and change do not seem
concrete and specific, and therefore appear unhelpful. Instead of
rejecting the concepts as too mushy, reflect on their practical utility.
That is, you can decide to concretely and specifically examine your
personal choices and how much you are willing to suffer in order to
change. That is not mush - it is as hard as concrete gets.
References
WisLAP Helplines
- Stress and the practice of law, depression, anxiety, career matters:
(800) 543-2625.
- Chemical dependency, alcohol and drug abuse: (800) 254-9154
Books
- Seligman, Martin E.P., What You Can Change ... And What You
Can't (Learning to Accept Who You Are), Ballantine Books-Random
House, 1993.
- Myers, David G., The Pursuit of Happiness, Avon Books,
1993.
Periodicals
- "The Talking Cure for Stress," Health, Nov./Dec. 1996, pp.
69-74.
Internet Sites
Gregory J. Van Rybroek, U.W. 1990, also holds a Ph.D. and is a
licensed psychologist. He is the deputy director at Mendota Mental
Health Institute and teaches in the U.W.-Madison departments of
psychology and psychiatry and at the U.W. Law School.
Wisconsin Lawyer
