Out of Order
Son of Pro Tunc's Unabashed Legal Dictionary
By Nick Pro Tunc
Here's another installment of my loopy
legal lexicon. The first two editions are printed in the June and
November 1995 Wisconsin Lawyer issues.
Abatement. An underground location, as described by Louie
the Lisper.
Abrogate. The latest scandal, involving the executive
branch's purported misuse of abros. See also, litigate,
infra.
Ad hoc. Another pawn shop.
Affirm. Place where lawyers practice.
Bill of Lading. Nickname given to a noted medieval attorney,
based upon the location of his law office. The custom arose when the
Lord High Chancellor in England discovered that too many barristers
named "William" were appearing before him. Hence, the designation based
upon primary place of practice. See also, "Bill of
Particulars," "Bill of Rights," and "Bill of Sale." One particularly
prominent barrister preferred to retain the formal name of "William,"
rather than be referred to more casually as "Bill of Orange."
Capias. Pejorative slang term for a plagiarist or
capicat.
Causa mortis. Assigning the blame to Mortis, as in "It's all
causa mortis."
Caveat emptor. Opposite of a full caveat.
De jure. Fancy French term with which to impress your date
at an elegant restaurant; as in, "Garçon, what is the soup de
jure?"
Deliberate. To put in prison. Not to be confused with a
similar term that applies to the jury's action before reaching the
verdict, which results in the defendant being "deliberated."
Demurrer. Conduct that accompanies suaveness, as you inquire
about the soup de jure.
Dictum. What Ken Starr alleges Bill Clinton did with his
White House interns.
Docket. What you do with a boat.
En banc. Place where you climb after you docket.
Fee Simple. An uncomplicated billing arrangement with no
strings attached. Cf., a more complex arrangement with various
strings attached, commonly referred to as fee tail.
Foreclosure. A rained out game of golf.
Foreman. A golfer. The person who would have participated in
the game but for the foreclosure. See also, foreperson
or forewoman.
Forfeit. Tantrum thrown by the foreman due to the
foreclosure. Alternatively, tantrum thrown by the foreman due to lack of
performance during the game.
Heir. What an appellant claims the trial court did.
Indenture. The wearing of false teeth, especially during the
day. At night, outdenture (typically in a glass).
Indigent. Where indenture occurs for a male. To be
politically correct (and gender neutral) the proper term is in
personam.
Laches. Slang, signifying something that is useless. Derived
from the saying: "Laches, we don't need no stinking laches."
Liable. An untruthful bovine.
Litigate. Another government scandal, taking its name after
the central character of the scandal, G. Gordon Liti. Sometimes confused
with the ignominy surrounding a person with a similar name, G. Walter
Mitty, called mitigate.
Mayhem. Adjective describing a nervous attorney with dubious
trial skills. Synonym: Mayhaw.
Prima facie. Number one Italian tanning lotion or
sunscreen.
Probate. 1) What a commercial fisherman employs. 2) A vice
squad officer assigned undercover to counter prostitution.
Prosecutor. A cutor who is unrepresented by counsel.
Res judicata. A contested election for judge.
Restitution. What you do when your tution is dragging.
Nick
Pro Tunc has left Cut & Dried S.C. and joined Buffalo,
Bamboozle & Hornswoggle, a firm that is even lesser known and
respected.
Wisconsin
Lawyer