Recently, I was asked by a newly minted attorney if he should represent his uncle in a divorce against his aunt. I pondered his thoughtful question for a moment and then proceeded to pummel him with my briefcase.
Wisconsin
Lawyer
Vol. 82, No. 12, December
2009
Representing Family Members and Other Horrible Life
Decisions
by Adrian M. Baron
Recently, I was asked by a newly minted attorney if he should
represent his uncle in a divorce against his aunt. I pondered his
thoughtful question for a moment and then proceeded to pummel him with
my briefcase.
In actuality, representing friends and family can prove to be
an excellent way to build up your client base. Who knows you better than
your family? It may not be a bad idea to let them know what areas of
practice you are in. You might be surprised at the results of family
referrals. With that said, there is also a downside to representing
Uncle Irving and Aunt Dolly. You may find that your fee will not mirror
your aggravation.
Of course, if you do decide to represent family members, here
are a few tips that you may want to consider.
- Setting fees. More than likely, your relative will expect a
discount from you because he used to change your diapers or taught you
to drive stick. So what if that was 50 years ago. If you do the case for
a discount or pro bono, make sure your relative-client knows the worth
of the service he or she is receiving. Even if I do the case for free, I
make it a practice to send a bill with our standard rate listed with
“family discount.” I find it goes a long way in the client
valuing your service. If you act like it was no big deal, your relative
will think so, too.
- Establishing attorney/client boundaries. From the outset,
make sure that you establish a professional demeanor with your relative.
Uncle Wally may still remember you as that cute little kid who he
bounced on his knee. You want him to take your advice seriously. I
always make an attempt to set up office appointments to discuss legal
matters. If you make it a practice to discuss your relative’s
legal problems at family events, you might grow to resent going to these
functions. You don’t want to set the precedent that it’s OK
for your relative-client to discuss his personal injury claim at a
funeral or his divorce at a bachelor party. While this can be difficult
with close family members, you don’t want to be fielding calls on
a Sunday afternoon. The practice of law can be stressful. You need time
to relax. You need to set boundaries.
- Carefully consider the case. Are Uncle Jon and Aunt Kate
getting a divorce? Do you really want to step into that beehive? Make
sure you are not getting into a situation where emotions can get the
better of you. I was recently involved in a divorce matter where
opposing counsel was a childhood friend of her client. As the divorce
proceedings became more difficult, opposing counsel began crying in
front of the judge. I haven’t been in practice that long, but it
was a first for me. My guess was that the stress of doing a good job for
her best friend got to the lawyer. In my opinion, the friendship also
clouded the judgment of opposing counsel. Hell-bent on showing she was
defending her sorority sister, she made a point to fight every point
tooth and nail. As a result, pretrial discussions were fruitless. A few
compromises could have led to a more amicable dissolution of the
marriage. Instead, the process turned uglier.
- Don’t get suckered. It’s hard to say no to
family. If you honestly don’t have the time to do the matter or if
it is outside your practice area, don’t be afraid to just say no.
If you don’t do bankruptcy work, it may not be a good idea to take
on Cousin Larry’s case. If you don’t have time to drive
three hours to take care of Aunt Betty’s speeding ticket, be
honest. They will forgive you. You may get a fruitcake for Christmas,
but ultimately all will be forgiven. In my own practice, my beloved
mother is my greatest supporter and adversary. She constantly refers
people to my office even if it’s not an area of practice I’m
familiar with or interested in. Her usual response is along the lines
of, “What do you mean you can’t help your uncle sue his
neighbor for cutting the grass incorrectly? He taught you to ride a
bike.”
- Be upfront with your relative. I also received a great tip
from Texas practitioner Bill Stark. He reminded me that it’s
important to be completely upfront on the merits and the likelihood of
success. As Attorney Stark eloquently stated, “All too often,
lawyers (particularly young lawyers), want to impress their family
and/or don’t want to impress their family by breaking the hard
truth to them. Like other clients, family members need to know sooner,
rather than later – before they have invested time, energy, and
money, that their case is shaky.” I agree. Sometimes it’s
better to heed the advice of Nancy Reagan. Just say no.
Wisconsin
Lawyer
