My name is Sage (they/them), and I’m a defense attorney.

To start, this is not meant to be an all-encompassing guide, or a full solution for anyone else who may have these same questions – because I am not you, and I cannot tell you what would be right for you.

What this is: a reflection on some of the struggles I’ve faced as a nonbinary attorney, and how I personally have learned to deal with them.

I expect most people who read this are cis, and you may think this article won’t have anything for you. But I’d urge you to keep reading. At the very least, it should help you gain a new perspective, and understanding all sides of an issue is critical to success in law. But it may also help you learn some things about yourself, too.

I Learned More than Law in Law School

I didn’t know I was nonbinary when I started law school. I figured it out sometime in my 2L year, thanks to a friend of mine who did the simple act of sharing a post. That post bears repeating. It simply said, “It’s OK to explore your gender identity and find out that you’re cis.” And it’s true.

But it made me realize that I had never taken the time to actually explore my gender identity and ask the questions I should have asked myself a long time ago. Eventually, I figured out that I’m bigenderfluid, which is perhaps a story worth telling on its own, but that’s not this story.

No Effect on Practicing Law

I graduated in May 2020. Yes, smack dab in the middle of the pandemic. I got a bit lucky, though. I had a part-time job doing headnotes for Westlaw, which was fully remote, and was offered a full-time position when I graduated. That meant two things: first, that I didn’t actually start practicing law until 2022, and that by the time I started practicing law, I had fully embraced my nonbinary identity … from the comfort of my own home. Not in court.

This gave me a sort of existential crisis. Do I just dress in traditional court clothes for my assigned gender at birth (AGAB)? Do I use the “Mx.” honorific? Do I correct judges who get my pronouns wrong? Co-workers? Bosses? Secretaries? How can I stay true to myself, while also not causing problems for my clients?

And that last question, to me, is the crux of the entire issue. The clients come first. Especially in criminal defense, where you could be the difference between them being free or imprisoned. It’s not about me, it’s about them. If I can find little ways to incorporate androgynous elements into an outfit, great. But if I can’t, that doesn’t change the law, and it doesn’t change what I need to do.

Here's How I Don’t Hide

But that also doesn’t mean I’m going to be comfortable hiding that side of myself forever. And I wouldn’t ask that of anyone.

So, here’s a few things that I’ve done that help me feel more like myself.

1. I put my pronouns in my email signature immediately. It may feel like a little thing, but it was huge to me. It’s hard to explain, but it’s like it made my identity official. Or that, with this, I proved to myself that I was comfortable enough in my identity to announce it to the world.

It was nerve-wracking at first, yes. You never know how people are going to react. But after having them in my signature for a few years now, I’ve learned that it’s a great way for people who are safe to let that be known to you. When people you’ve never told your pronouns start using your them correctly, just because they saw it in your email signature, it feels damn good. You feel respected, and safe. And that isn’t something we can take for granted these days.

• I incorporate at least one piece of clothing designed for each men and women into my outfit every day. It takes some searching to put together “court-appropriate” outfits that do this, but, not as much as you may think. The hardest thing to find is button-down shirts with collars that don’t look weird when you wear them with a tie. But they do exist. And there are tons of options for pants and shoes that work well at any point along the spectrum. It’s actually pretty fun to put together these outfits, especially if you enjoy thrifting.
• I decorated my office to be queer-friendly. I have a wreath in nonbinary pride colors on my door. I have mini pride flags on my wall. I painted one wall of my office in a multicolor geometric pattern. Not in any specific pride colors – but to me, it’s still a pride symbol because it’s something that sets me apart, something that isn’t black and white. Isn’t binary.
• Along the lines of the wall, I play around with my appearance in various ways to try and be unique, but still professional. I do NOT wear traditional cloth neckties. Ever. I’ve actually started a collection of bow ties made of weird materials. So far, I have a concrete, leather, wood, and feathered bow tie. I play around with various hairstyles, and colors. Though for colors, since I practice mostly in a more conservative area, I limit the nontraditional colors to one at a time, and only on a portion as a color highlight.

And I’m always looking for more things to try. I may wear a cape instead of a coat. We’ll see. If anyone has ideas, I’d love to hear them. Or if you just want to chat, I’d love that too.

This article was originally published on the State Bar of Wisconsin’s Law Student Blog, Just the Facts. The State Bar offers a variety of resources to help law students connect with the legal profession, including finding mentors and clerkships. Find out more on Wisbar.org.