State Bar of Wisconsin

President’s Perspective – Why Join the Senior Lawyers Division

By Robert Swain, Appleton

As the newly installed division president, I hope that there are newly enrolled members of the Senior Lawyers Division (SLD) reading this column. Our recent 2009 survey of Senior Lawyers Division membership revealed that out of 3,925 eligible lawyers, 725 are currently enrolled in the division. That’s only about 18.5 percent of eligible lawyers. One of my goals as president this year is to increase our division membership.

I’ve already embarrassed myself once by asking a lawyer I’ve known for some time and who has a full head of gray hair if he was a member of the Senior Lawyers Division. The lawyer heatedly told me “I’m not 60 yet!” And, I’ve also discovered that there are lawyers who look as though they just graduated from law school last spring but have been in practice for well over 40 years. They haven’t even considered joining.

So, why join the SLD? Well, my answer is similar to the reason I join automobile brand specialty groups: You never know when some tidbit of value will turn up in the member magazine. Such as the time about 35 years ago when a tech note in a car club magazine saved me close to $1,000 in repairs for a problem with my model of car I didn’t even know I had.

A few years ago, when I retired from active practice, I was asked to write a piece about what it’s like to retire. That column (Me Retire?) was printed in the January 2006 edition of the Voice of Experience; it is reprinted again in this issue. (It could be updated, but that’s another story.) A few weeks after the article was published, I received a call from a lawyer who said my situation was very similar to his. He said the column inspired him to look into finding new activities to keep him busy – and out from underfoot at home! His wasn’t the only comment I received regarding that column.

Senior lawyers face both challenges and opportunities. I want SLD members to find their division membership provides useful information that justifies the $20 annual dues. I want this division to be a source of information about both challenges and opportunities. Just a few examples of the subjects the SLD needs to explore include: pro bono opportunities; mentoring young lawyers; coping with financial reversals in both our personal and professional lives; dealing with health issues; recreation and leisure opportunities. Are there other topics that need to be explored? You tell me. Or, better yet, you write the article and get the byline.

For a Division that will publish its newsletter only four times during my year of as president, exploring these topics seems to be enough to keep us busy.

If you have expertise, insights or just random thoughts on these or other subjects, please consider sharing with our membership. Please, Please, Please: write to me or to our Senior Lawyers Division Liaison Patricia Morgan, to let us know of your interest. We’ll make room for your thoughts on relieving stress through collecting butterflies or any other subject you have in mind!

We have devoted our professional lives to the practice of law. For some of us that devotion has taken a toll on our personal lives, on our health, and on our financial security. This is your opportunity to support your brothers and sisters in the law. Join us and share your experience.

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Past President's Report: An Update on the State Bar Board of Governors Actions

By Margadette Demet, Milwaukee

When I was elected president of the Senior Lawyers Division, I did not realize that my duties included a return to service on the Board of Governors (BOG) and its Executive Committee at the conclusion of my term as division president. State Bar of Wisconsin staffer Laura Emerson supplied me with that information. On Aug. 28, I attended my first meeting of the Executive Committee of the board, and I attended my first meeting of the full board on Sept. 11 and 12 in the Wisconsin Dells. Here is my report:

The Board of Governors meeting began with a new member orientation; and, since I was one of the new members, I attended. On the second day of the meeting there was an additional orientation on the finances of the State Bar. Both meetings were well done and helpful. My overall impressions of the board is that the members are an interested, hard-working group of individuals, more confrontational than I remember from earlier years, but dedicated to performing well. And, the BOG has a great deal on its plate.

At its last meeting of the 2008 - 09 fiscal year, Board members elected Gov. Jim Brennan to be chair of the BOG. His election left a Milwaukee District 2 vacancy on the BOG; the BOG filled this vacancy at the September meeting by appointing Nathanial Cade, Jr. of Milwaukee to the seat. The board also approved the appointment of a statewide nominating committee for the 2010 State Bar elections, as submitted by President Douglas Kammer. Committee members are: John B. Edmondson, Appleton; Kevin G. Klein, Phillips; Catherine A. La Fleur, Milwaukee; Frank D. Remington, Madison; Catherine Zimmerman, Fond du Lac (a non-lawyer representative); and Jeffrey Roy Zirgebel, Brookfield.

The BOG considered a number of legislative proposals. As a result of recent court developments and public reaction to these developments, the issue of judicial independence continues to be a hot topic. The League of Women Voters submitted a proposed bill requiring recusal if a contribution or multiple contributions of more than $1,000, has/have been received during the previous two years by the presiding judge. Another basis for recusal proposed by the League was an instance in which a party has paid in full or in part for a “mass communication disseminated in support of a judge’s election within the past two years.” A contrary proposal by the Wisconsin Realtors Association seeks amendment to the Code of Judicial Conduct to provide that receipt of a “lawful” campaign contribution by a judicial campaign committee, or endorsement of a candidate, does not, by itself require recusal.

Over the course of the summer a special BOG task force met to review both proposals and to make a recommendation to the board. Gov. Thomas Schober, chair of the special task force, reported that the task force concluded that neither proposal adequately addressed the issue of judicial independence. The task force recommends further study of the more comprehensive proposal of the ABA Standing Committee on Judicial Independence. The board agreed with the conclusions of the task force and declined to support either petition. The Supreme Court has scheduled a public hearing on the two bills on Oct. 28, 2009, at 9:30 a.m.

The BOG considered Petition 09-02, to revise Supreme Court rule 72.01 regarding record retention– a proposal to make language of the statute more uniform. The Supreme Court set a public hearing on this proposal for Nov. 2, 2009, at 9:45 a.m. The board voted to take no position on this bill.

The board also considered Petition 09-03, a petition submitted by the Committee to Improve Interpreting and Translation in Wisconsin Courts, intended to create language dealing with the increase in material submitted in various courts across the state originating in a language other than English. The proposal would revise Wisconsin Statutes, Chapter 901. The board took no position on this bill. A public hearing is scheduled Nov. 2, 2009, at 9:45 a.m.

The BOG voted to support Petition 09-05, on the subject of audible statements contained in videotaped interviews of child sexual assault victims replayed in court. The petition would amend SCR 71.01 to exclude from the requirement that all court proceedings are reported audio recordings of any type that are played in court and offered into evidence. This petition is set for hearing on Oct. 29, 2009, at 9:30 a.m.

In recognition of the increasing importance of the Internet in all of our lives, the BOG considered and adopted a Social Networking Policy. The policy applies to State Bar volunteers, sections, committees, divisions, and related programs and groups wishing to use the State Bar’s name and graphic identity in conjunction with creation of and maintenance of a social networking presence identifying the entity as sponsored by or affiliated with the State Bar.

The Board referred the Increasing Communication Effectiveness and Association Credibility Report to the Public Image Committee for review and comment. The purpose of the program is to improve State Bar communications by creating a stronger, more clearly integrated and articulated message to members and the public. The Finance Committee and the BOG approved the concept of the program and its budget at an earlier meeting.

The Executive Committee meets again on Nov. 19, 2009, and the next Board of Governors’ meeting is Dec. 4, 2009.

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Me retire?

By Attorney Robert W. Swain Jr., Law office of Robert W. Swain, Appleton

Editor’s Note: The Senior Lawyers Division first printed this article in its January 2006 edition of the Voice of Experience.

Me retire? Not now. Next year? Maybe. Within five years? Sounds like a plan. But now??? Not a chance.

But next year arrives all too soon. Five years go by all too quickly. Suddenly next year is next week. And then your computer asks: Are you sure you want to shut down? The lights are turned off, and the door is closed. You walk to your car for the last time, and you find yourself – retired!

Now what?

There is plenty to do to get ready for that last day. But eventually your “To Do” list shrinks to one or two items, and you have nothing on your calendar for next week. Except you do have something on those blank pages – Time. Unscheduled, Uncommitted, Unplanned Time.

I retired last August after more than 40 years practicing law. I’ve been an Air Force judge advocate, an insurance defense lawyer, a plaintiff’s lawyer, a divorce lawyer, a civil rights lawyer, and a few others. But I haven’t been a retired lawyer, and I’ll confess my planning for the day I turned out the lights wasn’t very detailed. It will happen, I thought, and like a lot of lawyers used to thinking on their feet and putting out unexpected fires, I assumed this would be just another fire; and, I’d deal with it when the time came. And, then, the time came.

So, what’s it been like so far?

Well, for starters I had a lot of accumulated non-lawyer stuff in my office. I brought it all home and dumped it in the basement. Project #1 has been to sort through it and get rid of items like coffee cups and plaques and books I’d kept for sentimental value. My wife, standing at the top of the basement stairs asking how the cleanup is going, has been a big incentive to get at it. And, if you want to know, it’s a work still in progress.

But that’s one advantage to being retired: you have time to work on projects at a leisurely pace. No judicial assistant will call and schedule a status of retirement conference.

Knowing that retirement was on the way, a few years ago I began looking for volunteer work to do. I am involved in three volunteer efforts that take up just about the right amount of time. Two or three times a month I drive disabled vets to the VA Hospital in Milwaukee. I am a donor registration volunteer on mobile blood drives. I put in four to six hours every week at a paper-industry museum that opened in Appleton last spring.

Now these activities don’t take a lot of time, but they do require me to plan and keep a schedule that others rely on me to keep. Being responsible to others is a good way to keep yourself busy.

I’m on the Board of Governors, and I’m liaison to the Appellate Practice Section. I’m on the WisLAP board, and I’m chair of the Committee on the Resolution of Fee Disputes. These boards meet every two or three months, and I attend their meetings. Bar activities are good ways to keep in touch with your colleagues. It’s your own time you’re giving to the bar, not billable hours.

Ever since I began practicing in Appleton more than 30 years ago, I have told my secretaries and paralegals that as much as they could arrange it, they were to keep my noon hours open so that I could get in my daily swimming workout. It was a great way to clear the cobwebs and relieve stress. I’m still swimming a mile almost every day; and, it still clears cobwebs and relieves the lower level of retirement stress. In the summer, I ride a bike 30 or 40 miles a week; and next summer I’ll get back to kayaking on local lakes and rivers.

Apart from relieving stress and clearing cobwebs, I think it’s critical to keep yourself in good physical shape. Nature will turn muscles to flab whether you like it or not; but a steady routine of exercise is essential to both good physical and mental health.

I have a few other activities that keep me busy. I regularly audit classes at Lawrence University. I’ve taken courses in everything from Renaissance Art to The History of the Peloponnesian War and the Faust legend in music and literature. The nice part of this activity is: no exams or papers. Just attend and enjoy. And learn.

Finally, there are hobbies. I indulge in my passion for photography at odd hours, and I don’t worry about getting to the office. I’ve joined the local New Horizons Band, a band that meets once a week and is composed mostly of middle-aged and older people who want to learn or relearn how to play a musical instrument. I played a clarinet in high school, but I’ve switched to the baritone sax, and I’m having a ball. I try to practice every day (but sometimes don’t), and I have to reach back 50 years to lessons learned about key signatures, tempos, fingerings, and all the skills needed to avoid making a fool of myself. It’s great mental exercise, and mental health can go south as fast as physical health, if you don’t exercise.

Last but not least, I don’t regret my decision. The time and circumstances were right.

If retirement appears to be the end of your world as you know it; if retirement seems to you like the death of your reason for being; if retirement dredges up fears of fading relevance after a career of intense involvement in the affairs of your clients; if, in other words, you see retirement as something to dread, you probably will. Regret could – and probably will – deprive you of finding pleasure in whatever you do.

Retirement could make you miserable, because once the decision to retire has been made the world begins to move on without you. It won’t be long after the lights go out that you will lose the power to turn them back on.

Plan for retirement; anticipate retirement. Look forward to retirement. When the day arrives and you embark on your new life, there will be no regrets and there will be a future to look forward to. And, that’s the best part of retirement.

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Wisconsin High School Mock Trial Competition – Great Opportunity for Senior Lawyers

By Maryann S. Schacht, Senior Lawyer Board Member, Beaver Dam

Justice Shirley Abrahamson stated:

“I have judged the mock trial finals for all 25 years of the program. I hope it’s been as much fun for the participants as it has been for me. I’ve enjoyed seeing the high degree of poise and confidence these bright young people are able to bring to their public speaking, the skill they display in their reading analysis and synthesis of facts, their ability to cooperate with their colleagues on the team, and their respect for their competitors. Of course, the participants also learn some basic elements of law and judicial process.” 

The Wisconsin high school mock trial program began in1984. Since then, approximately 28,000 Wisconsin high school students have participated in the program. In 2009, 72 Wisconsin schools fielded 96 teams composed of 1,152 students competed in 11 regional tournaments.

Written by attorneys, a mock trial case, like a real one, unfolds in unpredictable ways during the trial. Student lawyers make objections and presiding judges (who often are actual judges or attorneys) rule on those objections. The students use their skills for direct examination as well as cross examination.

Attorney volunteers (this could be you) judge the team’s performance at regional competitions in February. Ultimately, two finalist teams face off in March before the Wisconsin Court Justices.

For 20 plus years I have had the privilege of participating in this program as the Wisconsin Bar Foundation President, then attorney coach for the Beaver Dam High School team, with Judge Storck at the regional level and judging at the state level.

Attorney coaches and tournament judges always find a great deal of personal satisfaction working with young people and seeing them succeed.

The abundant positive energy keeps many attorneys (volunteers) working with mock trial year after year.

Attorney Lindsey Draper, a coach from the Wauwatosa West team states: “When you get the opportunity to work with young people who are working hard and are dedicated, you really want to do this.”

Take advantage of this opportunity and contact Law-Related Education Coordinator Marsha Varvil-Weld at (608) 250-6191. The Mock Trial regional competition needs volunteers on Saturday, Feb. 13, at statewide locations and on Sunday, March 14, in Madison. It is a worthwhile and exciting program.

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Senior Lawyers Division Seeks Nominations for 2010 Leonard L. Loeb Award

The Senior Lawyers Division is seeking nominations for its 2010 Leonard L. Loeb Award. Through its Loeb Award., the Division honors a senior lawyer (60 years of age or older) who has made significant contributions to advancing and improving the legal system through legal career and community volunteer activities. Past recipients of the Loeb Award include: Leonard L. Loeb, Hon., Paul Gartzke, Ernest Hanson, Robert B. Peregrine, James R. Cripe, and Jack DeWitt.

The Senior Lawyers Division officially recognizes the recipient of the 2010 Loeb Award at the Members Recognition Luncheon during the State Bar of Wisconsin’s Annual Convention in May 2010. Site of this year’s convention is the Monona Terrace Convention Center, Madison.

Loeb Award Criteria and Guidelines:

• Attorneys or judges who are current officers or board members of the Senior Lawyers Division are ineligible for nomination;
• Nominee has made significant contributions to the legal community during his/her years as a lawyer;
• Nominee has respect for the legal system and has demonstrated a love for the law and what it seeks to accomplish;
• Nominee has demonstrated high ideals and personal character;
• Nominee has been involved in community organizations;
• Nominee has participated in local and state bar activities.

The Loeb Award Nomination deadline is Friday, Feb. 12, 2010. To nominate an individual, please submit the following documents to: Senior Lawyers Division Awards and Recognition Committee, Attn: Patricia Morgan, P.O. Box 7158, Madison, WI 53707-7158.

1. A letter of nomination stating the reasons for nominating the person for the Leonard L. Loeb Award;
2. A resume or similar document of your nominee’s qualifications;
3. A minimum of three (3) letters and a maximum of five (5) letters of recommendation from individuals who are knowledgeable about the nominee’s qualifications that address one or more of the award criteria.

For more information, contact Morgan at (608) 250-6107.

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Pro Bono Opportunity: Visiting Professorships for Senior Lawyers

Through its Senior Lawyers’ Program, the Center for International Legal Studies, in cooperation with law faculties in Eastern Europe and the former republics of the Soviet Union, will offer short-term appointments to as many as 80 senior lawyers from Common Law countries during spring and fall of 2011. A “senior lawyer” has at least 20 years of significant practice experience in the area in which he or she proposes to lecture. The subject areas are not limited, but there is special interest in corporate and business law, intellectual property, litigation arbitration, and criminal procedure.

The term of teaching may be from two to six weeks and the length of appointment and dates of teaching are subject to negotiation between the appointee and the host university. The faculty appointments are not remunerated, and the appointee is responsible for his/her travel. The host university will assist with lodging.

More than 290 senior lawyers have taken up appointments in the first three years of the program.

For more information, visit the Center for International Legal Studies web page

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State Bar Volunteer Lawyers Program Offers Professional Liability Insurance for Pro Bono Work

By Jeff Brown, State Bar of Wisconsin Pro Bono Coordinator

Did you know that free insurance coverage is available through the State Bar for pro bono work? Members of the State Bar can be automatically covered under the professional liability insurance through the State Bar Volunteer Lawyers Program when they are: (1) assisting clients referred through the State Bar pro bono coordinator; (2) volunteering in a State Bar-sponsored pro bono project; or (3) representing clients on matters referred through the State Bar Modest Means Program.

The State Bar arranged this insurance benefit to make it easier for you to help serve the unmet legal needs of low-income Wisconsin residents. Government, in-house, part-time, or retired lawyers may be particularly well suited for this new benefit, because they often lack insurance coverage for pro bono work. The insurance coverage also includes an endorsement making it the primary source for professional liability coverage even if you or your firm already has coverage.

State Bar members can always check the searchable pro bono opportunities guide available on the pro bono page of WisBar to find additional pro bono projects that provide insurance coverage for volunteers.

For more information, contact Brown at (608) 250-6177, or (800) 444-9404, ext. 6177.

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Girls as lawyers? Pioneer Attorney Cody Splitt

By Don R. Herrling, SLD Director, Appleton

Cody Splitt of Appleton, a retired lawyer, recently turned 90. Why would she have chosen to become a lawyer at a time when female lawyers were not common? Her fascination with the law began in her childhood. She was raised by a single parent. It was depression time, and there was never an extra dime for picture shows, so Cody’s mother sent her down to the courthouse in Wausau to watch the dramas in the courtrooms. She thought those men, in light-colored summer suits on boiling hot summer days arguing their positions, was truly an elegant sight. She raced home declaring she would be a lawyer when she grew up. Her mother never pointed out the gender distinction.

During World War II the U.S. Congress created Women Accepted for Voluntary Emergency Service (WAVES) in the United States Navy, and Cody enlisted the very next day. Boys who had sat around her in high school had already died in that war, and she felt obligated to do whatever she could. She was sent to Washington to be a supervisor of naval female barracks. It was her job to keep up the morale of the enlisted females. What a time to be in Washington! She took whole batches of WAVES to decision day in the U.S. Supreme Court and to opening day of the U.S. Congress. They stood on the grass outside the White House and watched F.D.R. take his fourth oath as President of the United States.

In 1944 Congress passed the G.I. Bill of Rights. Cody had a date for dinner with an army major who had been a lawyer in civilian life. He thought it unlikely that the Bill applied to female veterans. Cody went to the Library of Congress to read the Bill … and it did!

Cody thinks she was the first female veteran to attend the University of Wisconsin Law School. She completed her degree requirements by working under Judge Eberlein, Circuit Judge for Shawano, Outagamie and Langlade Counties. A law school classmate who was the son of Justice Barlow of the Wisconsin Supreme Court married her to Harley, an accountant, in April 1948, and the couple settled in Appleton.

Cody practiced family law. She became the first female president of the Outagamie County Bar. During the same time, she served as secretary of the State Bar Individual Rights and Responsibilities Section and on the Long-range Planning and Legislative Action Committees. Active in politics, she was appointed by Governor Knowles to the State Human Rights Committee and by Governor Thompson to the Mental Health Council. She was president of the Outagamie County Republican Women and served many years on the Outagamie County Republican Party Executive Committee. She became the first female to run for judge in Outagamie County, losing to Judge Urhan Van Susteren. She served as a member of the Outagamie County Board and chaired the Outagamie Sesquicentennial Committee as part of the celebration of 150 years of Wisconsin statehood.

In 2002, she chose not to run for re-election to the County Board and went back to helping others get elected. She would answer young women who would ask her, “Should I go to law school?” with a firm reply: “Go for it!”

In Outagamie County, we celebrate and salute Cody Splitt as a “Pioneer Lawyer!”

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Looking to Give Back to the Profession? Join Lawyer-to-Lawyer Network

The Lawyer-to-Lawyer Directory, which is published in the annual Wisconsin Lawyer Directory, has extended the deadline for senior lawyers to join to Oct. 15. This offer is available to senior lawyers because this group has such a wealth of expertise.

This 700-plus attorney network helps increase competence within the profession, reduce malpractice, and provide better delivery of legal services to the public. Attorneys can share their knowledge in particular areas of law with other lawyers through free, brief telephone consultations.

The Lawyer-to-Lawyer Directory, which is revised every two years, is published in the annual Wisconsin Lawyer Directory and is available through WisBar. The Lawyer-to-Lawyer Directory allows lawyers to readily identify other lawyers who are willing to share their knowledge and expertise in specific areas of law. It includes an alphabetical listing, and a topical listing that is broken into 49 topics – from administrative/government law to worker’s compensation. The easy-to-use Out-of-State Listing facilitates finding State Bar of Wisconsin lawyers who practice in other states.

To be listed in this free directory, you must be an active member of the State Bar of Wisconsin, have experience in a particular field of law, and be willing to conduct brief telephone consultation, free of charge, with other attorneys having less experience.

To join, download a fillable PDF registration form that can be completed electronically or a print-only version of the form. Both forms must be printed and mailed via U.S. mail to the State Bar by Oct. 15 to be listed in the January 2010 edition.

Questions? Contact Customer Service.

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State Bar’s Lawyer Dispute Resolution Program Needs Mediators and Arbitrators

The State Bar’s Lawyer Dispute Resolution Program (LDRP), which assists Wisconsin attorneys and law firms in resolving disputes arising out of law firm break-ups and lawyer departures from firms, is seeking experienced lawyers from throughout Wisconsin to serve as mediators and arbitrators in the program.

The LDRP is planning a half-day seminar for the morning of Tuesday, Nov. 3, 2009, to prepare attorneys for service on the program’s panels of neutrals. Enrollment in the seminar, which will be conducted at the State Bar Center in Madison, is limited to the first 100 applicants. The seminar fee is $79.

The seminar curriculum assumes some familiarity with mediation and arbitration practice methods, and thus concentrates on pertinent background information, program rules and policies, and tips and techniques unique to the setting of lawyer-lawyer disputes.

Each attorney who completes the training will receive up to four hours of CLE credit (application for credit pending), including up to one hour of ethics credit, and each attendee will be enrolled as an LDRP mediator or arbitrator, or both, at the election of the trained attorney.

For more information on the LDRP, please visit WisBar’s Lawyer Dispute Resolution web page.

To register for the LDRP seminar, please call State Bar Customer Service at (800) 728-7788.

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Thank You, CLE Book Authors

State State Bar CLE Books thanks the following Senior Lawyers Division members for their contributions of time and expertise over the last nine months:

• Thomas A. Bailey (Family Law Casenotes & Quotes)
• Richard L. Binder (Wisconsin Attorney’s Desk Reference)
• Ralph M. Cagle (Advising Older Clients & Their Families, v. 1)
• James R. Clark (Law of Damages in Wisconsin, v. 2)
• Claude J. Covelli (Law of Damages in Wisconsin, v. 3)
• Joseph P. Danas, Jr. (Worker’s Compensation Handbook, Wisconsin Employment Law)
• Margadette Demet (Wisconsin Attorney’s Desk Reference)
• Fred Gants (Wisconsin Employment Law)
• Patricia M. Heim (Annual Survey of Wisconsin Law 2009)
• Alyce C. Katayama (Annual Survey of Wisconsin Law 2009)
• Michael Ray Luttig (Advising Older Clients & Their Families, v. 2)
• Kevin J. Lyons (Wisconsin Trial Practice)
• Steven W. Martin (Wisconsin Attorney’s Desk Reference)
• John C. Mitby (Wisconsin Attorney’s Desk Reference)
• Brian R. Mudd (Annual Survey of Wisconsin Law 2009)
• Richard K. Nordeng (Annual Survey of Wisconsin Law 2009)
• Robert A. Ramsdell (Wisconsin Attorney’s Desk Reference)
• Charles S. Sara (Wisconsin Attorney’s Desk Reference)
• Howard B. Schoenfeld (Wisconsin Trial Practice)
• Daniel W. Stolper (Civil Procedure Before Trial)
• Jeffrey P. Sweetland (Wisconsin Employment Law) 

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Senior Assistance: Helping Grandchildren Through Their Parents' Divorce

By Diane M. Berry, JD, MSW, LCSW, Manitowoc

In recent years, some forward thinking attorneys developed the process of Collaborative Divorce in an effort to minimize the bitterness and hostility that are often byproducts of the divorce process and to create a more amicable resolution to the end of a relationship. This manner of divorcing tends to provide a higher level of support for the parties and assists them in maintaining their relationship at a healthier level, which should enable them to more successfully co-parent in the future. But what about the children?

While the children of divorce do benefit from this collaborative system as well, they have need of additional assistance and support when faced with familial divorce. Grandparents can provide a crucial aspect of that support. When counseling grandparents, attorneys can provide invaluable assistance in setting the tone and stage for their role in providing care and constancy for their grandchildren. Further, when advising clients whose children are divorcing, these ideas can not only help to preserve the relationships involved, but also save clients years of frustration and heartache from being embroiled in bitter custody and visitation disputes.

1. Stability is the key – Research on children of divorce has shown that the most important aspect in their adjustment to this new family status is experiencing stability while it is taking place. Helping children to keep the details of their children’s lives the same to the greatest extent possible can only assist the adjustment. The kids can thrive in a multitude of settings, but if they are able to stay in the home they have been living in, continue with their current day care arrangement, maintain involvement in the same dance class or athletic pursuits, it’s a simpler adjustment for them. Any way a grandparent or other caring adult can play a role in maintaining this sameness for the children will benefit them and ease their transition to this new life stage.

2. Grandparents may be able to help out in many ways, but should take care not to take over – even if they do know best! The goal is help and support, not management. Let the parents call the shots, but as often and in as many ways as they can, their parents should make themselves available to assist and support these efforts. They should be on hand to help when needed and work to be as flexible as possible when it comes to scheduling.

For example, your client might prefer to baby-sit on Saturday afternoons, but if that is the best time for a harried parent to spend time relaxing and enjoying her children after a busy workweek, grandma should take care to respect that. On the other hand, mom might really appreciate a grandparent being available to step in to perform a task the other parent has always taken care of, such as retrieving a child from school or day care and taking him to his swimming class which starts before she gets home from work. Advising clients to make an effort to fit into the lives of children and grandchildren, rather than interfere with family plans and functioning, can make this difficult time easier for all involved.

Help clients to be creative in looking for other ways to help. If they have the time and ability, it is wonderful for grandparents to help out with school clothes, school shopping or the variety of little things that really add up for parents in terms of time and money. If unable to foot the bill for the expenses, simply volunteering to take the child to do the shopping can be a big help to their own harried offspring attempting to juggle work, home, and other responsibilities as a newly single parent.

3. Grandparents should resist the temptation to pry from either children or grandchildren and may need to hear this quite directly from their esteemed counselor – more than one time. Asking for information that is not being offered is likely to irritate their children, but may do worse for their grandchildren. It can put them in the awkward position of feeling as if they are tattling on one of their parents and can contribute to the emotional distress they feel. Know that when they want to talk, they will. Advise clients to be open to listening when they need an ear, rather than attempting to force the issue.

4. Suggest ways for your clients to offer emotional support as well. Asking “How are you doing?” or “How can I help?” can open the doors for a young child wondering how to start talking about what is happening in his life. Asking open-ended questions will send the message that they are interested and can provide the impetus for a heart-to-heart talk with a grandchild struggling to make sense of his new life. Just listening when he needs to talk or vent can make a world of difference to him. Remind them that they don’t need to solve it; all they have to do is listen.

5. Counsel grandparents to spend the time to develop a relationship with each grandchild. Each child is a separate and unique individual and may need different things from them than a sibling or cousin. Helping each child to feel valued and special can go a long way toward assisting in their adjustment to the divorce. Busy parents may not have the time or energy to devote to each child to the extent needed. Grandparents can have a big impact by giving to each according to his need. They should look for some way to connect with each young person, something the two of them can share, be it an interest in crafting, sports, gardening, or antique automobiles.

6. Don’t Say It! Strongly advise clients to struggle against the urge to disparage (even in a very subtle manner) their grandchildren’s other parent. To survive this experience with the least amount of damage, helping clients to understand that grandchildren need to love and respect both of their parents, even if one of them is hurting their child can go a long way toward minimizing destructive comments. They should take care to say positive things to grandchildren about both of their parents, subtly giving them permission to care about both mom and dad and letting them know it is acceptable to discuss their other parent as well. Children may hesitate to mention the other parent, afraid that a comment might be painful for the grandparent or likely to invoke their wrath. They should be generous with their comments about both, even in the face of their own, or their child’s, pain.

This is not only a good idea as far as the relationships and grandchildren’s adjustment are concerned, but it is good legal advice as well. Bad mouthing a child’s spouse or the other grandparents can jeopardize the grandparents’ opportunity for visitation and can jeopardize their child’s standing before the judge. If it looks to the judge as if a grandparent is attempting to influence a visitation schedule by trying to influence a child’s position on placement, the attempt can backfire and lead to a negative outcome for their child. Any lawyer counseling a grandparent would be wise to address this with his client to minimize the potential of negative influence before it can arise. The temptation is often quite strong to “set the record straight” in a divorce situation and can lead to extremely negative consequences.

Grandparents have a unique and precious role to play in a grandchild’s life and family. Seniors also most likely have the time and the life experience to provide invaluable assistance to them and to their parents in overcoming what is probably the greatest challenge of their lives. Being able to be involved and provide assistance of any kind at this time can lead to a stronger bond and a better adjustment for those most precious to you. Use your role as your client’s closest advisor to help them make the right choices in supporting grandchildren in this time of need and setting the stage for a positive post-divorce adjustment.

Editor’s Note: Diane M. Berry, JD, MSW, LCSW is a Clinical Social Worker and author of Child-Friendly Divorce: A Divorce(d) Therapist’s Guide to Helping Your Children Thrive! (Blue Waters Publications, 2004)

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Second Acts: Matching Experienced Attorneys with Opportunities for Pro Bono Service

By Anita Cruise

Kids Matter Inc. brings the power of volunteers to the area’s neediest children and families. Founded in 2001, the organization has since developed into the largest court-appointed special advocate program in the state and serves hundreds of children and their caregivers each year through its Fostering Healing program. Many dedicated and talented attorneys volunteer their time to provide pro bono service to help children who have been abused or neglected through the volunteer attorney program. The State Bar Legal Assistance Committee recently awarded $5,000 to Kids Matter Inc. for its Second Acts program.

Like everyone, individuals in the “baby boom” generation are getting older. In the near future, there will be record numbers of attorneys looking toward retirement. The National Law Journal and New YoNew York Times have cited surveys that estimate nearly one quarter of attorneys in the United States will be 65 years or older by 2011. This substantial body of highly skilled lawyers could have a significant impact on fulfilling unmet needs for legal representation. If even 5 percent of the practicing attorneys over 65 participated in a legal services program, this would double the number of attorneys working primarily on public interest work.¹

Due to this projected demographic change in the legal profession, Kids Matter was selected by the Pro Bono Institute at Georgetown University Law Center to launch a volunteer attorney project specifically aimed at mature, experienced attorneys. The initiative, called Second Actsreg; is intended to match experienced attorneys with expanded opportunities for pro bono service. The Pro Bono Institute is a national, non-profit organization whose mandate is to explore and identify new approaches to – and resources for – the provision of legal services to the poor, disadvantaged, and other individuals or groups unable to secure legal assistance to address critical problems

Kids Matter is one of only four nonprofit organizations in the country selected to implement a Second Acts^® pilot pilot project. The first effort was chosen in response to a survey of mature attorneys about their preferences for possible pro bono projects. As a result, Kids Matter will spearhead a mediation project at Milwaukee County’s Vel Phillips Juvenile Justice Center. The cases to be resolved are those typically filed pro se by grandparents and other relatives seeking to gain the legal authority to care for a child. Mediation expedites resolution of the litigation that often occurs and increases the chance of maintaining familial relationships while ensuring the care and safety of the child.

Senior attorneys are encouraged to volunteer for Kids Matter Mediation Project at Milwaukee County’s Vel Phillips Juvenile Justice Center. Mediation expedites resolution of litigation that often occurs and increases the chances of maintaining familial relationships while ensuring the care and safety of the child.

The Kids Matter Mediation Project focuses on children’s court matters with particular emphasis on guardianships. Cases to be resolved are those typically filed pro se by grandparents and other relatives seeking to gain the legal authority to care for a child.

Kids Matter will present a training session, Dec. 14-16,  for volunteer attorneys featuring Zena Xumeta, internationally known mediator and a trainer of mediators. She is president of the Mediation Training & Consultation Institute, Zena Zumeta Mediation, and The Collaborative Workplace in Ann Arbor, Mich.

Attorneys with no mediation or children’s court experience are welcome to apply. Space is limited. For more information, contact Anita Cruise at Kids Matter Inc. at (414) 344-1220, ext. 14. 

Endnote

¹ Marc Galanter, "Old and in the Way": The Coming Demographic Transformation of the Legal Profession and its Implications for the Provision of Legal Services, 1999 Wis.L.Rev. 1081

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